A cozy, Cloudy San Francisco day...

Good Morning Loving Community

It’s Saturday morning and I feel a little better then I did yesterday. Sometimes I just feel so tired.
I did take 2 naps and had about 8 hours sleep so this tells me how important naps are.
Counts are low but this is when it happens. So this is contributing to the tiredness.

Monday is the big day. I will either continue with the treatment I have been getting out patient or I am going to admitted for the big gun Chemo.

I did write Doc Martin to let him know I still am not feeling super strong.

I accept whatever is for my highest good and health. And praying for 0 blasts in my blood.
We all know the power of prayer.

It’s grey and about to rain here in SF. I am very grateful for this. Everything gets greener, it’s easy to rest and be at ease, and it sounds soothing on our skylights.

Mom is coming in tonight and I am so looking forward to it. Noah has to travel for the first time in a while and will be gone from Sunday to Friday. Mom may end up staying 2 weeks depending on my need.

In the hospital or out those weeks after Chemo can be rough.

Everyday I dig down for strength, rest when I need to, pray all the time, open my heart completely to healing and love and all of your prayers. I have Faith, I have Trust, I am full of Gratitude.

Where ever you are I hope you are having a cozy day and doing something you love.

Love, Love, Nothing but Love

Namaste
Victoria

The Incredible Shrinking woman...

Hello Sweet Community

It’s been a little while.

I’ve been feeling a little extra tired. I am in what they call the Nadir state where my counts are the lowest.

Ugh. It’s a whole different story being at home going thru this then being in the hospital
I do like being at home more, but everything is an effort, even with the tremendous help we have been getting.

My biggest worry at hand is the amount of weight I am loosing. I weight 89lb, well right now after breakfast I weight 91. I am eating as much as I can and as often as I can.
It feels like my body is not absorbing the nutrients.

When one gets a lot of antibiotics you loose all the friendly flora and bacteria in your gut.

So I am now taking Pro-biotics which help replace this, I am taking a gentle supplement that helps me absorb food and L- Glutamine which helps my intestines. This will take time but I am confident that this will help me gain some weight. All of which are very gentle on the body. So lets cross our fingers and say our prayers because the last thing I want is to be depleted and wasting away.

This is the most distressing thing to me out of everything that is going on. I’m trying as hard as I can nap, walking around the house to gain strength, eating about every 2 hours.

I’m fighting and keeping my spirit strong, but I notice I am getting more weepy and frustrated. Deep breaths and deep prayers bring me back to my center and my power and my faith.

I wanna stick around a lot longer and walk on this road for a good long time. I’m ushering the AML out of my body to make room for Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing. I want to be of Service and touch people and interact and be out in the world and experience more of Mother Earth, become an elder. All these things. I want to teach what I’ve learned and hear what all these young people have to say and teach, I want to help heal this planet.

But isn’t this what we all want?

So today I breathe deep, always find my heart and faith, visit with friends who stop by with food and hearts full of love. And I full of Faith, Trust and Gratitude.

Because even though I’m scared and feel weak, I am surrounded by so much Love, so much Love that I’m sure it would lift me and hold me and heal me on the deepest levels.

And that love extends outward and touches all of you. And we all get healed just a little bit and we get healed in a real big ways too.

Ill keep remembering the Love and how much all of you constantly are giving me and Noah on a daily basis.

And that Dear Ones is Serious Medicine!!!

Love, Love and Nothing but Love

Namaste
Victoria

Back from the Temple on the Hill...

Hello Everyone

I am so happy to be home. A little achy, and weak. I ended up losing 5 of the lbs I gained by stomach upset this morning.

Ugh it is so frustrating.

I’m officially on house arrest and numbers are dropping, next week all counts will be lower. This is the nadir state.

Being in the hospital is always a trip. I have trippy visions and no sleep. Encounters with new doctors and disappointments of having to stay longer.

But I felt lucky this time because I got to have people feed me and bring me food I want to eat. I had deep sweet visitors with people; Noah slept the night a lot.

And now I’m home. New Medicine for fluttering I was getting in my heart.

I am feeling a little bit fragile, physically and mentally and spiritually, moving slowly back to that strong space. Allowing myself to empty those vulnerable feelings honoring them and then let them go.

In one of my visions Katrina ( my sweet little girl kittie I’ve had for nearly 9 years) told me to pull all the love in pull it all in, look at all the love around you Victoria, pull it in. and smooth it all out.

In another vision there were all these goony monsters inside of me, pointy and bright red and pink, and I was push them away telling them to get out of my body, get out you don’t belong here anymore.

I was not sleeping during any of these things. I believe that Spirit is working with me on the inside and the outside.

These visions teach me in very deep ways.

I have so much love for all of you, thank you for your continued prayers.

I’m going to eat more and rest a bit.

Love Love and Nothing more then Love.

Namaste
Victoria

Video...!!

Daya visted Victoria today and brought her video camera...!!

Back in the hospital...

Daya here...

I'm posting this message from Noah, who is at the hospital with Victoria.

*******************************************************

Victoria is sleeping in a private room at the ER here at UCSF.

Victoria was awake most of the early morning with a fever that peaked
around 104. She is being admitted to the hospital since having a BMT, a recurrence of a form the doctors call 'leukemia', and a fever is serious issues.

We've been here at the UCSF ER since 6am. In fact the ER runs on 12 hour shifts and the 7pm shift has arrive. Believe it or not I recognize many of them from this morning.

She is being prepared with liquids right now and soon will receive a CT
scan. The doctors are hoping to use this data to figuring out why her
liver enzymes are a little elevated. So we will wait here in the ER in
a room in the middle of the building with no cell service.

We are waiting on the completion of the scan and then she will move to
11 Long. I will send an update once she is her hospital room which we
are assured to be on Floor 11 Long, her old Bone marrow floor.

Victoria has primarily been sleeping and has eaten little food. The
hospital food so far has not been that great so I can understand why
Victoria has not eaten. I've been told that she can eat from the
outside world - which is a good thing. She needs to eat more and
hopefully giving her things she loves eating while keeping somewhat in
line with her new diet might be the way to go.

I will update more when Victoria is settled in to 11 Long.

First round, and it was a rough one...

Good morning Sweet Community

Well Thank goodness no more shots for 3 weeks.

It was a rough, cloudy headed week.

If I don’t take the pill for stomach upset, I get sick, if I take it I sleep for about 7 hours it seems.

Early Friday AM, around 2:30 I got up to go to the bathroom. Missed the sitting on the toilet, and fell backwards, got up, then feel forwards, splitting my lower lip down the middle.

Off to the emergency we went. Not a good thing gushing blood with lower platelets.

Ugh. Now I look like some kind of monster.

I of course didn’t take the pre meds thinking I was packed full drugs from the ER, and ended up throwing up all day, till I finally took some stomach meds. And again slept nearly all day.

Lessons learned, moved with the gracefulness of a butterfly, move slowly, take anything that will prevent me from getting sick and have nothing scheduled but the treatment that week.

I feel frustrated, freaky looking, down, and I have to admit a little sad.

Happy things: Daya and Mark and coming up for a visit. My Cousin Patrick Curley and his Girlfriend is coming up from LA today. I’m getting some blood that will give me the energy boost I need, and the kitties and most of all Noah have been such primo care givers.

I’m blessed. Just with a very alarming lip.

I just want touching and smiles and giggles and slow moving walking and tenderness.

Enjoy these pics of the lip and will send it on. Why the heck not, it happened.

Have a cozy day.

I’m visualizing some cozy beach under some shady trees, ahhhh Greece. Looking out at the bluest of Oceans. And you are all i my heart

Love, Love and Nothing but love.

Namaste
Victoria



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