From my friend Kurt...

Friends and Family -

Many of you have received my request to join my Team in Training Blog. If you have, I wanted to follow up with this email on more specific information for your reference. I also realized the email came from Google groups and many of you may have not seen this email because you didn't recognize it, or it went to your spam box. So, I wanted to send it to you from my personal email address.

As many of you know by now, I am participating in an endurance cycling event on March 7, 2008 in Solvang called the Solvang Century. It's a 104 mile ride through the inner coastal range mountains in California. I train daily for this event. For anyone interested, here are the event details:
http://www.bikescor.com/solvang/welcome.htm

I would like to get a point out early. This ride isn't about me. It's about raising awareness and money for a blood cancers like Leukemia, Lymphoma, and Melanoma for the Leukemia Society. All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. I'm completing this event in honor of all individuals who are battling blood cancers. These people are the real heroes on our team, and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!

I want to share a story with you. Some of you know my friend Victoria, some of you don't.

Fourteen months ago, my friend Victoria found out she had Leukemia. After rounds of chemo therapy and a successful bone marrow transplant, she celebrated her first year of "new life" (Day 0 of her new life is the day she receives her Donor bone marrow cells). All tests were showing she had wiped out her cancer. Well, about two weeks ago, Victoria got bad news; the Leukemia has reappeared. She and others like her are my inspiration.

She keeps a blog about her recovery. For anyone interested, the URL is:
http://www.victoriasrecovery.com

My blog page (with information you should have already received) is here:
http://groups.google.com/group/kurts-tnt-winter-ride-2008

Please make a donation to support my participation in Team In Training and help advance the Society's mission and give and give generously. My goal is to raise $3000 this time around.

Please pass this information on to your friends. I have a long way to go to reach my fundraising goal.

Here is my TNT Webpage where you can donate!
http://www.active.com/donate/tntgsf/kscholtens

Hugs and cheers!
Kurt


Namaste
Victoria

Tomorrow is the day...

Well it’s nearly 10:30 and I’m waiting for food to digest so I can take my meds and go to bed. Timing can be hard if I eat too late and I had a kitchen disaster that made my dinner an hour later then scheduled.

I’ve been a little challenged with this new food program, just trying to navigate a new set of tastes. Tonight I was frustrated but mostly because I’m tired and my dinner didn’t turn out all that well.

In time...In time. I’m still excited about this food adventure and am 100% in trust of its value.

Tomorrow I will be getting my first shot. At 3PM PST. Tomorrow, I can’t drive anymore well for that week and maybe the following week, will most likely need to stay in, and have no idea how it is going to feel.

The great unknown. Stepping forward with firm faith strides.

Ugh did I get all I need, Am I ready, I am, but I’m nervous. I just want a really nice long sleep.

A group of woman friends, my Apron group had a prayer circle this afternoon, I got to be on speaker phone and was enveloped by so much love and I even got to sing one of my favorite songs to them.

My friend Noelle who is always good and energetic Medicine stopped by earlier. I watched a movie with Noah. And ate what I could. What do I have to complain about, the entire day, expect for the cooking mess up was filled with love. But the cooking flub up enabled me to cry, because come on, it was bound to happen. Tomorrow is a big day. And today was filled with so much love.

Gaining weight is hard. Ugh 96 in the AM 101 in the PM. Patience. it will come, and come in the right way, creating an PH environment that Cancer just doesn’t enjoy.

New foods, new tastes, I’m not starving, just not eating rich, processed, fat laden, sugar, laden foods.

I’m tired and counting the minutes till I can lay my weary head down. 30 minutes and counting

Sleep well. Dream sweetly
Love Love and Nothing but love

Namaste
Victoria

Working with fear and Talking with The AML...

Good Morning Community

I hope the majority of you are off, and doing something peaceful or just being. I know there are many people that are working but maybe you are working in a more peaceful way to Honor the very peaceful Martin Luther King Jr.

I feel even stronger today then I did yesterday and it is becoming enjoyable to eat, and I am hungry and have been eating often. So we'll see 10 lbs by the 28th of Jan.

I was thinking and reminded by a friend about fear and how it effects people, cause some people tend to retreat and some don’t. She thought maybe some were really hanging onto the percentages I mentioned. And was scared and don’t know what to do.

Firstly, I heard that number loud and clear and it lingers once in a while but most of the time to me it is an average, I am Victoria, I am surrounded 24/7 by love and prayers and light and ceremonies and Masses and dedicated yoga classes, My spirit remains strong and my body is getting strong. I live filled with full faith in this, in my doctors, in the power of positive thoughts, in allowing the dark ones attention and letting them go, I have full faith in weeping to release, to get angry when I need to. All supportive for clearing the way for healing.

Am I scared of course I am. Its friggin scary, Are some of you scared, of course you may be, and there is no shame in it what so ever.

I believe that we all come to that place of peace when we are ready, when we have worked it out, because of course what is happening to me touches on that place we don’t usually talk about over a cup of coffee, our mortality.

We don’t know when or how it will come. We get Cancer, but die of something else. We are healthy and get hit by a car. We grow old and die of old age. We never know. And we don’t like to talk about the one thing we can never escape from.

So hell yes it is the top of the list of scary things.

I am aware of it all, It in my face and around me at the clinic, that possibility. How is she doing how is he doing, who’s in the hospital, who’s in Remission still. It’s a whole different world held together by many different energies by the people there and at various of stages of hope and despair.

I sit and observe and find my place on my teeter-totter, and straddle, smile and engage, send love all around the room. Breathe deep and know where my work is, what I put in the hands of Creator and Divine Mother. Pray, surrender, all of it.

Yesterday, now don’t laugh. But I had a talk with the AML. I said you know, you have taught me a lot. I am grateful, but I am just letting you know that you are no longer welcome in my body I am not going to host you anymore. I am going to begin to create an environment that will make it very difficult for you to live and grow. But I also asked for Gods help with this and requested that you be allowed to transform yourself from whom you are now to the stars or the trees or the fish in the ocean or the beautiful strong rocks on the highest mountain top.

I’m sure you can do this.

But I just can not accept you into my body anymore.
I would like for you to leave peacefully, and leave my body and spirit intact, and leave my health and vital energy. I have a lot of intentions and Service to give to the world. I want to become and elder and share every thing I learned. So you will be spoken of.

But its time for you to go

I may talk to you more about this but please consider this your first warning. I don’t lie, I am very loving and the most loving thing I can do for you is let you go, and have the opportunity to become something made of light. Something healing and welcoming. Something to heal our planet.

Thank you for listening AML.
I have faith you will see what I am talking about and depart quickly and sweetly and quietly, leaving me whole and healthy.

Strange eh, but I figured. Everything is living, everything has life, including Cancer and maybe you just have to tell Cancer directly what you want, I can be loving and stern and clear.

Anyway, it felt good to do that. So now it knows I know its there and I am not surrendering to it, and I’m ready to usher it out of my body with a whole Collective of people, armed with tools and tools and tools of Love and prayers and Blessing and good Medicine and plant Medicine.

Please enjoy your day. Love those around you. Appreciate the moment you are in. Breathe in fresh air. Notice something in nature, just right outside your window, and think for a moment what a miracle that thing is from a blade of grass to a massive Red Wood tree, to tiny birds eating food, for the way the clouds move across the sky, or how the snow covers the ground....so simple these things but so complex and amazing.

And we are just as simple and just as amazing and just as complex we are no different then any of these things. We are one with it all.

Love Love and nothing but Love to all of you.

Namaste
Victoria

The Story and the Prayer...

Hello Sweet Loving Community

Today we saw Doc Martin. I thought it was going to be Monday. But today we got the story and the plan of action

Firstly I want to say I am just going to lay it out there without fluff, but know I am faithful and ready to fight.

I am going to begin treatment on Jan. 28. Doc Martin said he felt fine with giving me some time to heal and gain weight. This was one of my concerns.

The treatment is out-patient.

I will be given a shot 1 time a day for 5 days in the clinic, this is a chemo shot. My hair will not fall out, my counts will drop. I do have to stay away from crowds.

The second leg of the treatment is a pill that I take for seven days. It is an anti seizure med that also helps to slow down the production of Cancer cells ( I think I am understanding that correctly).
I will be off Steroids and still be somewhat immuno-suppressed, but they are hoping to trigger some Graft vs Leukemia, and Graft vs Host. Again to get rid of the Cancer Blasts, just like before but bigger and better.

I will have this treatment for 4 months. So each month I will go thru the cycle of 5 days of shots and 7 days of pills.

Doc Martin was devastated and shocked considering all the GVHD I had and how well I was doing.

But this is where we are.

I don’t like percentages but I will tell what he said because it is important for me to say this out loud. There is a 10% chance of this working. Before the Percentage was like 30 to 50%.

I am strong and young he says. We have options and will try them all till we don’t have any options.

My heart is breaking but only because it needs to, to get to core of my strength to find the new level of whatever it is that is beyond any limits that might be there.

I’m grateful I get to wait, and get strong and do my best to gain some weight.

So there you have it the truth, the plan, the surprise of the year, the story, my life, my fight, My prayer.

Thank you for everything for the love the continued prayers and light, for everything.

Love Love and Nothing but Love

Namaste
Victoria

At home healing...

Hello Dear Community

Today I’m feeling better then yesterday. I want to eat, my lungs feel like they are clearing, my scars are healing. It is a gift as usual to have my parents here.
I have given then many tasks to do to help Noah and I out.

My home is my healing nest and the nest is holding me in the dearest way.

Monday when Doc Martin is back I am sure we will have a clearer picture of the healing road ahead.

My counts look really good actually and my body’s power to heal the surgery seems to be working very well.

Our bodies is an Instrument of the Divine and I am amazed what it allows and what it heals from. What a gift to a Spiritual Being in this Human form to walk the road of Balance and to surrender to it all.

I was worried at one point that balancing between healing thoughts and not so pretty thoughts would take away from my intentions to heal.

But I realize that it doesn’t and each side needs to be seen.

I envision myself on playground teeter tauter one foot on each seat, balancing in the middle. There is a surrender in finding that balance if you force one side too much you get off balance.

We ask for what we want, we have no idea what that healing is going to look like or what form it takes in the end.

We just have to surrender to the Divine Mother and Creator and let them take care of the details.

My heart remains open. I am Victoria. I am loving and of Service. I feel the blanket of Full Faith.

This is the road we are all on in one way or another, we love ourselves, we have faith, we are of Service, we surrender, and we open our hearts to Who we are and Why we are here.

Smile, carry good thoughts in your heart, breath the fresh air, and appreciate the things we ALL take for grant it.

Eat, nurture, love, love and love.

I am healing in ways I could never imagine if I tried. I am healing in ways I can see. I am riding the wave, the ebb and flow of life. It just happens to be very Big right now.

I am so grateful I get to share all this with all of you.

So grateful you all have the hearts to continue to pray, including yourselves in all your prayers I hope.

Today its a beautiful day in San Francisco, and if tomorrow the weather should turn, that too would be beautiful because each moment is created from the heart of The Creator and each moment in flawless in its incomprehensible way!!

Love Love and Nothing but Love

Namaste
Victoria

Sharing a Vision...

Hello All

I am at home now, Medicated and about to go to sleep. I know tomorrow will present me with more physical strength as I am stronger then I was yesterday.

One of the first nights in the hospital, most likely the night I found out the Leukemia had returned, I had a vision.

Sometimes I lay in bed in imagine and the vision takes over, or rather God takes over and the visioning comes from a place beyond me.

I was laying there and started to imagine and beautiful white and silver tornado. I was laying there and it was coming from my body.

I imagined that my body was being supported by all of your hearts, and those of you that were able to hold hands were holding hands but for the most part everyone was connected by the heart thru intention and prayer.

The Tornado began to swirl out of my body and I saw it begin to transform the blasts in my blood and bone borrow into clear crystals of light, pulling it up and filling the tornado with brilliant light. Then it began to transform into the sky and the crystals became stars. A billion Brilliant shinning stars full of light and hope and healing energy.

I began to think of all of you, wondered, when did you see the sky light up like that for the first time, when you were a child, on a camping trip, out of the City limits, what did it feel like. How connected did you feel to all that is great and amazing and beyond our minds comprehension? Only something our hearts can understand.

We were all connected, and there was no darkness only this light.

It gave me such comfort. I must paint this vision.

I do think it was 2 days later my friend Margarita told me she had seen many my spirit community the morning after an all night ceremony. The first thing she said to me, not knowing this vision, is that everyone looked like stars and were like Starlight.

I was deeply moved and touched.

I know we can take ourselves to these places, we can allow our hearts to be lead there.

Sweet Dreams Dear Sweet Community. Thank you for all of your love and everything.

I am honored to be loved by all of you and held in such a beautiful way.

Good night, here’s to beautiful visions and believing in them.

Namaste
Victoria

Finally I can send an update...

Hello everyone

It’s Tuesday Am and I have tried the past few days to send out a quick email but each time I hit send the UCSF system times me out and I loose the mail.

So I’m trying in word first and then copy and paste and see if I can send.

Well as you know this has been a BIG stay, 3 procedures and Big unexpected news has really thrown me off. But now that I am healing from the procedures, it is nearly time to go home on continue to the regime to clears the little bit of Leukemia that has snuck back.

I am not sure where I am with all of this. I remain Faithful and open and receptive to all the prayers and power, and God and Medicine and Love.

I can fully feel my doctor’s love and they have many things the working on.

Currently they are using this new drug called Sirolimus that has been proved to stop receptors that tell cancer cells to grow. They are trying to get the levels correct.
So there is a dance we are playing between keeping me somewhat repressed and to activate more GVHD.

The Medicine comes from a plant that grows on Easter Island which appeals to my Mystic side and my love for Plant Medicines.

When I return home I am going to change my diet that creates more of a alkaloid ph balance I my body and less acid in the body. Much of the research that have read is the Cancer likes Acid not Alkaloid. I figure since I really haven’t eaten much in the past month then this is perfect time to try something new.

I have a year and 2 months of remission and learning what works in my life and what doesn’t.

So I am ready to rally together to fight to rest to receive to pray and to welcome a new phase of healing.
]
Someone said to me, maybe this is a gift. I don’t really see Cancer as a gift. I do see what I can learn and give to my self and share with others as a gift. But this news isn’t what I would exactly call a gift.

I weep, I’m scared, I don’t know what is next. I’m fed up even angry some times, because darn it, I want to out there in this beautiful world.

I do believe that by join forces to heal myself and by accepting and not giving up. I am contributing to the healing of this planet. We all need to heal all parts of ourselves, whether it is Cancer, being over weight, and addition, and idea about our self. Its all healing. In that way we all have a gift which is the opportunity to make a new choice.

So here I have Tuesday Jan 15 making the choice to continue to believe in the power of love and prayer of intention and Medicine. I choose to let Faith carry me and to be Loved.
I choose to accept healing. And release any part of myself that may believe that I don’t deserve.

I am apart of the Peaceful Revolution that is going on inside each one of us, this is what I know will save the Planet and teach us new ways to be.

Heart open
Ready, Steady Go

Bring on the love
I’m returning it 10 fold with Gratitude and Blessings.

Namaste
Victoria

Back for a visit...

Hello Dear community

With a very sad heart I wanted to share with you that I had a bone marrow biopsy today because they had some leukemia blasts on the slides. They are going to take me off pred and this drug that will do something and they need me to have some more feisty Graft Vs Host reaction

I am angry and sad and scared.

It looks like I will have gall bladder surgery tomorrow if not Sunday.

I love you all and know each and every one of you is praying in your own way for me and my recovery.

I’ve been moved to a new room 1127 and my number is 415-514-5324

Please call or visit if you can.

I feel so grateful and I am digging down deep for my biggest warriors to step fourth and work with me and work with God and The Divine Mother.
I want to live a longer fuller life and serve and touch as many people as I can

I love you all

Even though I am full of anger the Love is shinning thru and is all about the love.

Many Many Blessing to you all.

Namaste
Victoria

Here's the Newest Scoop...

Hello all and good evening…

So here is the latest up date.

I feel good but only because I’ve been eating broth since yesterday. So no solid foods = no pain.

Tomorrow I am getting a procedure called (ERCP) this will see if there are any obstructions and I think will clear the bile.

So in a way they take a look at things and it may allow me to eat some soft food.

Then I will need time to heal from that procedure, and the surgeons tell me I may not have the Gall Bladder removed till maybe Wed and Thurs.

I’m beginning to feel a little nervous only because of information overload.

But I know that everything is going to be fine, I trust Doc Martin and he wouldn’t let me do this if I was in an overly compromised place.

So I’m just sipping broth and drinking water and waiting for docs to tell me what happens next.

I’m tired like I always am in the hospital, because lord it is noisy here and this round I am in a semi private room which is weird.

I feel for this woman because her counts are low and she is starting chemo for Lymphoma tomorrow. Man oh man she should have here own room. Please keep Julie in your prayers because it sounds like she has been thru a lot.

So here I am On The Temple on the Hill, waiting and with faith for a procedure tomorrow and then the surgery next week.

So thank you ahead of time for all your prayers and love and light and all you send thru the stratosphere.

Please know that it is all coming back to you 10 fold, and I pray for all of you every night and am so grateful for this large community that has spanned far and wide.

Thank you
Big Love and Only Love

Sweet Dreams

Namaste
Victoria

Transmitting from the Temple On the Hill...

Hello Dear Community

That’s right I am here on 11 Long. I was admitted last night. My Gall Bladder is not behaving the way it should and although the ultra sound showed no stones, it seems it is full of bile which means it is not working properly.

I’m just waiting for the docs to look at the results and give me my options.

I had a nice talk with my Gall Bladder and am ok with letting her go and thanked for the work she has done for me these past 45 years. If, of course this is for my highest good and for my Complete Health and Healing.

I feel very much at Peace

I’m starving, but I can’t eat anything solid because the whole cycle of pain begins when I begin to process and digest the food.

They don’t seem to be too concerned about the weight loss, more about dehydration so I am not going to be given IV Nutrition.

But I think I can have broth and I’m hoping a little rice in the broth. I’m waiting for that answer right now.

The nurses and Docs on this floor are wonderful I feel taken care of and in a way at home here.

If you want to call the number is 415-514-5328.

If you are local and want to visit my room number is 1135 bed 1 11 Long.

I don’t know how long I will be here for, I guess that depends on surgery or no surgery.

Sorry this is so brief, Ill send another post when I have talked with the docs and get the scoop.

Big love to all of you and here’s to loving our curves. I can’t wait to get mine back

Namaste
Victoria

Feeling down...

Hey Sweet Community

I wanted to give you all an up date on what is going on.

Firstly I hope you are all cozy and dry, whatever is appropriate to where you live.

As you know I had C-dif and thankfully got over that, not without loosing a substantial amount of weight.

The Scope I had (a flex scope) did reveal a tiny tiny bit of GVHD. We are taking care of that by holding on tapering the prednisone and I am starting another very gentle med tomorrow

This past Friday evening I started experiencing extreme upper ab pain especially after I ate. I woke up on Saturday feeling good, but again after I ate the pain reoccurred. So Noah and I decided at 8PM that we would go to the ER and get some tests and have it checked out. The pain was intense.

So I had a CT scan and they did find some "pieces" of connective tissue or something like that on my Gall bladder that I may indicate that I had passed a stone at some unknown time.

My liver counts were high and they were going to admit me but I begged to be sent home because now its 7am and I knew by the time I got the the floor and they did their thing I wouldn’t be sleeping till noon.

I promised if I had worse pain I would go in, and that I would go to clinic to get blood checked on Monday.

UGH!!

So I went today liver and counts all normal, BUT I am schedule for an Ultra Sound on Wed to take a better look at the Gall Bladder. If it persists its bye bye Gall Bladder, thank goodness for laser.

I am down to 101 lbs. I cant eat much, I’m weak and weeping and frustrated and in pain.

I am told to drink 2 weight gain shakes a day and try to take in 1500 calories a day.

Today each time I drank the shake I’m in pain for about an hour and then it goes away. But I am going to keep trying.


I did get to see Doc Martin today and even though he had no quick fix I always get great comfort in seeing him, it had been a while.

He reminded me that this is a very slow process and it is just taking my new cells Christine’s immune System to feel comfortable with my body.

I don’t know if you can pray to an immune System but I certainly am and to Creator to give me strength and Patience and some comfort.

Noah has been beyond amazing and is taking really good care of me.
I doing the best I can with eating and moving around the house when I can to try to keep my strength up.

Sometimes I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and then I remind myself to keep fighting and this will pass, this is a bump in the road. I continue to nurture my body with acupuncture and energy work.

We try to watch movies and laugh as much as we can. But I can get too serious sometimes. At last I am appreciating Noah’s weird sense of humor.

People have come to visit a little and it distracts me and cheers me up. Sometimes I go in the car with Noah while he does errands and sit in the car to wait for him. I like the fresh air. But generally I try to stay out of stores and crowded places because I want to keep my lungs safe. Its flu season and I have to stay protected. My breathing seems to be improving. Its hard to tell where things come from, although I know I am very deconditioned.

So I imagine the day that I can build my body back up from scratch, like a new born baby, like a second chance at life.

But I’m not going to lie. This is Friggin hard shit. This is really hard. All the stuff I do to help ease my pain and anxiety does not take away how hard it is. They stand side by side. Just like life. Life is hard and life is good as my teacher says, but I always like to add that is so beautiful and so precious. Our lives deserve to be honored and nurtured and treated as sacred. Because we are sacred.

Sitting still and letting Faith, God, Creator, Divine Mother, Holy Ones, All my Sweet Spirit Guides, and my body do what they need to do to move me thru this to the other side that is full of strength and vitality and Complete and Unlimited Health and Healing.

May your evening be full of peace and Love and may your bodies take good care of you and may you take good care of your body. It’s a New Year, what is it that you have always wanted to do to take care of your body in a better way.

Do it, think about how sacred this vessel you have been given is to hold your beautiful Spirits!!!

All my Love and all my Gratitude!!!

Sweet Dreams

Namaste
Victoria

Happy 2008...

Hello Dear Sweet Supportive Loving Community

Noah and I are doing our best to stay awake till Midnight, it is 11pm here in SF.

I just want to say to all of you, to all of your families and friends and those Beings that hold special places in your hearts.

May this New Year be filled with the biggest Love and hearts opening wider to the joys of Life. I wish on each and everyone of you that your hearts and lives are touched deeply by abundance in all the beautiful ways that abundance can come.

And may we each reach our hands out to touch each other more, to help each other more, to be of Service in bigger ways then we could ever imagine. A Revolution of Peace.

May our lives and world be filled with more peace, and health and vitality, and gratitude for all the beautiful and simple and amazing things that surround us, for this beautiful Earth we live on.

May you all know joy and playfulness and wonder and Self-Love and may the wounds that may hinder you now be lifted to make space for more joy and more self love and more healing.

I am so grateful for this year that had so many beautiful blessings and so many painful lessons and letting go. All of it a teaching I will never forget and continue to learn from.

As we enter 2008 I continue to be grateful for my strong body, spirit, and faith and community. I am so Grateful for God and all the Holy Beings that have Blessed me and Noah with so so so so much. For my Precious Life

Thank you Thank you a million times over for all the loving support

As you open this email I hope you feel a warm burst of Light fill your heart and that you smile and know how much you are loved.

Happy Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Namaste
Victoria